Saturday, February 19, 2011

Dreams and confessions

The following is from the Brave Girls blog and deals with dreams. Just so you know-the leader for the group came up with using images of birds as a symbol of our truthteller...mine is God. So when I see a bird now, I remember who it is I'm to listen to.
"Going after your dreams has some kind of deep and beautiful pain that I still can’t describe. When you are in the thick of it all, there is a pain that is so real in physical AND emotional feeling…that I just wish there was ONE word to describe it so that when we are trying to tell people how we are feeling about it when they can see that something big on our smack-in-the-middle-of-building-our-dreams-mind…..we could just say that one word that would embody all of the fear, excitement, bliss, feeling of purpose…loneliness, exhaustion, confusion, shame, guilt, then the shame about feeling ashamed and feeling guilty, AND the deep love for our dream, the deep sense of protection we feel for our dreams….AND biggest of all the way we just have just had to let go of control….and surrender…and how when we finally decided to jump with both feet in, and now we feel like we just got pushed out of an airplane at 30,000 feet and then we each have no idea what is going to catch us….but we know that the plane arrived at the exact place that we were each supposed to jump… we did….because the faith that we would be caught really was bigger than the fear that we wouldn’t. Then…..we are alone in the so-loud-windy-silence…we are breathless…and afraid out of our minds and thrilled out of our minds….and so dang proud of ourselves that we finally just jumped….but then…still…so very very scared…."
Dreams... what are my dreams? Do I have any? BIG confession here... All I can think of is that I want to be happy and content in my soul. Just where I am and looking like I look. I have struggled with this issue for years and with my Brave girl work and attempt to eat better I am getting there. However, I just wonder how many stew over the same things. Why is it that my heart can't be satisfied with what my head knows- which is I am perfect to the one that matters just as I am. The bible says "I am created in HIS image." The saying-God doesn't make junk should resonate loud and clear. Satan is a sneaky guy and gets those little thoughts swirling over and over. Not good enough, not busy enough, not doing enough. I want to be through with listening to those voices. Through believing the lies. Through not feeling that I don't measure up. My new motto is I am enough.
And when it gets ingrained to the point that I breath the truth I'll look beyond and figure out what I want to be and do next.

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