Wednesday, October 19, 2011

20 pounds

That my friends is a photo of a 20 pound note...

Not exactly what I meant about the 20 pounds I am writing about -
a lot nicer to look at then what I mean.

8 weeks and 20 pounds are gone from my body. It has been an enlightening few weeks as I got back in the roll of eating prepacked meals. I want to eat a lot of stuff that is NOT in those little
packages. This time though, I am trying to figure out what it is that I am desperate to eat away.
That is the crux of the problem. I was using food for other things than energy!

I do a lot of sitting and staring into space. I'm thinking through a lot of un-lovely stuff unfortunately. This is some of what I have found out; I do a lot of comparing. Even comparing myself to me at another time. Comparing is a waste of time because at the core of it I guess I'm saying I'm not happy with the me that God made. Did I really say that out loud?! I am talking here only of the multiple cells and how they were put together and how they respond to influence of external forces-namely food. Of course I do realize that I was putting way too much influence on those aforementioned cells. So I am working on loving myself just as I am. I had a wise woman tell me that she had heard multiple conversations when people were talking about me. Not judging me or my size, she said it had never come up. Instead they talked of my compassion and love and willingness and skills. Well that is probably what I should be focusing on too. I am also rebellious-I want to do things that I know aren't healthy and not do things I know are. Even though I KNOW chocolate isn't healthy on the whole, I can't imagine not having any around. Even though I KNOW diet soda isn't good for the body at all, I haven't stopped drinking it. Even though I KNOW taking walks every day is good for me, I rebel against it.

So although I do enjoy the clothes getting loose and not clinging quite so much, I will be looking for ways I can loose some other things like condescending words, previous opinions, and certain thoughts. I WILL be cutting down on the diet soda and promised my health coach a 5 minute walk a day. Just remember that these are all steps while although small are bigger than me at the moment.

Boy that was a lot of honesty laid out there and I don't know if anyone cares but I am throwing it out in cyberspace anyway and I'm pretty sure it will make a difference to me.

1 comment:

Amy said...

Proud of you! :) ♥

thanks for stopping by...